Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
