Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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