my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
