cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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