A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
