There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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