I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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