I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
