If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
