His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
