Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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