last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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