Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
