Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
