the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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