I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
