**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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