walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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