you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
