4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
