He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize