I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
