im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
