I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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