I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
