No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
