I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
