Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
