6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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