Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
