you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
