OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
