i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
