mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
