this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
