It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
