Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
