obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
