The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
