guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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