hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
