I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
