Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
