the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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