My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize