I CAN MOONWALK!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
