I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
