i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business