I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches