Your mouth is God's brothel.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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