i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..