btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.