I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
