return my video game
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
