she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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