Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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