I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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