My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
