do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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