Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
