I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
