Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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