I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
