Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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