My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
