i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom