I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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