So how was he last night?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.