im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My ass is underappreciated
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid