just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just pee around me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
