Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
