I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Damn victory sex feels great
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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