I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
