I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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