Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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