apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
