So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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