i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
nutella sex= disaster
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Mom said you looked used
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
