i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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