Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
