I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
