I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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