my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
