I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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